Hi Everyone ! :)
*Sighs* It is a hard day it seems...i have a horrbile body image today ! I feel soooo puffy and i see myself fat,chubby and ughh..so very disgusting.
Today ( it's 16:11pm ) and i only had breakfast. I feel i don't want to eat. I want to loose weight...i feel like i'm an elephant really... Ohhh did i mentioned that i would like to exercise ? But i know if i will i could relapse so easily ! Actually i think i did it already but this relapse is more in mentally ways... I hate yes HATE that voice which is telling me not to eat. That i'm fat, useless...not worth it.
I feel like i have to do something to food. I mean...i don't deserve it righht now so i have to do something to deserve a little amount of food. And if i eat a lot...( i think that i eat a lot my mum says i don't eat much ) i have no control. Like..." see... your mom thinks that you can't do it, that you going to be week !! How miserable you are !! Just look at yourself: your tummy looks like that you are pregnant, your thighs are far too big and look at your face !!! Ridiculous!!! And the your clothes...yes the clothets are the best ! You almost can't fit in them !!! How big you wanna be ?" And things like that.
I feel i have to have permisson to eat ! Arrrghhh... mentally battles are hard !!! I know i will go through hell...but in the prison of ED i'm already there !! But i choosed the recovery so i have a chance to go to heaven ! Heaven= REAL LIFE !!!!! I'm strong !!! Much more stronger than ED. It's just hard... * sighs*
STAY STRONG !! YOU ARE !!! KEEP FIGHTING !!!!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx
*Sighs* It is a hard day it seems...i have a horrbile body image today ! I feel soooo puffy and i see myself fat,chubby and ughh..so very disgusting.
Today ( it's 16:11pm ) and i only had breakfast. I feel i don't want to eat. I want to loose weight...i feel like i'm an elephant really... Ohhh did i mentioned that i would like to exercise ? But i know if i will i could relapse so easily ! Actually i think i did it already but this relapse is more in mentally ways... I hate yes HATE that voice which is telling me not to eat. That i'm fat, useless...not worth it.
I feel like i have to do something to food. I mean...i don't deserve it righht now so i have to do something to deserve a little amount of food. And if i eat a lot...( i think that i eat a lot my mum says i don't eat much ) i have no control. Like..." see... your mom thinks that you can't do it, that you going to be week !! How miserable you are !! Just look at yourself: your tummy looks like that you are pregnant, your thighs are far too big and look at your face !!! Ridiculous!!! And the your clothes...yes the clothets are the best ! You almost can't fit in them !!! How big you wanna be ?" And things like that.
I feel i have to have permisson to eat ! Arrrghhh... mentally battles are hard !!! I know i will go through hell...but in the prison of ED i'm already there !! But i choosed the recovery so i have a chance to go to heaven ! Heaven= REAL LIFE !!!!! I'm strong !!! Much more stronger than ED. It's just hard... * sighs*
STAY STRONG !! YOU ARE !!! KEEP FIGHTING !!!!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx
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